It happened quite a lot this year so far and I have lost some people who I thought I could never lose, ever, because we were super close. I guess some people are not meant to be to stay and the people who are meant to stay will just stay. Funny thing is, I lost them all for the same reason: love. Somehow ironic. To put it simple, I rejected them all, it happened all one at a time, but all of them did not really accept it, even if I tried to be calm about it and clear this up, but everything that came back was just selfishness and drama. I mean, I dont blame them, their heart got broken in a way, but when it gets too much, and yes it can get too much for me too, then I will distance myself and I even try to explain myself for that ( which I don’t think you have to do, because if you want to have some alone time to think, or just rest, then you dont need to reason yourself…), but again I cannot be understood. They will always misunderstand me, simply because I do not give them what they want and I am done with that. I had to break the contact, but not out of selfish reasons, more because I had to in order for these people, it is better for them to not be dependent on me (yes, it was already that bad, sadly), it is easier for them to move on, even if i take the short cards again and even if they hate me now and tell others shit about me, even publicly. It’s not okay, but if it has to be that way, I will take it on my shoulders as well. It just saddens me that even the people I thought were close to me do not understand me at all…Did I mean to do any bad to you, ever? And it proves that they do not care to understand me, or simply do not care about me, by only talking about themselves after each situation, how hurt they are and how I hurt them. I must be a monster if I don’t love them back and if I think about them how this situation will be the best for them. If there was another way, well, I really wish there was. I wish i could be still friends with all of them, but I cannot let people do what they want with me anymore. I still respect myself, even if it’s not that much, but I do want to love myself, and in order to do so, I must tell people the truth, even if it hurts, and end toxic relationships, if they get toxic and they all did. They allowed themselves too much with me and I think I can really take a lot already if I have to.
Even though all these things happened and i had to cut them out off my life, I am quite happy how my life is going until now. I think I have found the real love of my life and this person wants to stay with me forever, I think maybe that was kind of an exchange in a way? Knowing who is right for me and knowing who isn’t (boyfriend girlfriend relationship-wise). I am truly blessed with the people that I have in my life now and I am very thankful for that. These situations make me realize how I have to treasure those who never in their mind would think of being so hurtful to me, because they are kind and mature.
To everyone I broke the contact with and whose heart I broke, I hope they will find the love of their life and that they become happy, because that is and was always everything I ever wished for them.
I will probably delete this blog, just because I don’t really need it anymore. I am still thinking about it though, because there are some nice memories on here and some good posts that I may want to look back on in the future? But I will see about that.
I never do these type of posts but I thought it’s a good way to let this blog come to an end!!
